According to Wikipedia, "The Onion is an American 'fake news' organization. It features satirical articles reporting on international, national, and local news..."
WASHINGTON, DC–Mere days from assuming the presidency and closing the door on eight years of Bill Clinton, president-elect George W. Bush assured the nation in a televised address Tuesday that "our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over."
"My fellow Americans," Bush said, "at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us."
Bush swore to do "everything in [his] power" to undo the damage wrought by Clinton's two terms in office, including selling off the national parks to developers, going into massive debt to develop expensive and impractical weapons technologies, and passing sweeping budget cuts that drive the mentally ill out of hospitals and onto the street.
During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.
"You better believe we're going to mix it up with somebody at some point during my administration," said Bush, who plans a 250 percent boost in military spending. "Unlike my predecessor, I am fully committed to putting soldiers in battle situations. Otherwise, what is the point of even having a military?"
On the economic side, Bush vowed to bring back economic stagnation by implementing substantial tax cuts, which would lead to a recession, which would necessitate a tax hike, which would lead to a drop in consumer spending, which would lead to layoffs, which would deepen the recession even further...
Turning to the subject of the environment, Bush said he will do whatever it takes to undo the tremendous damage not done by the Clinton Administration to the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. He assured citizens that he will follow through on his campaign promise to open the 1.5 million acre refuge's coastal plain to oil drilling. As a sign of his commitment to bringing about a change in the environment, he pointed to his choice of Gale Norton for Secretary of the Interior. Norton, Bush noted, has "extensive experience" fighting environmental causes, working as a lobbyist for lead-paint manufacturers and as an attorney for loggers and miners, in addition to suing the EPA to overturn clean-air standards...
"Finally, the horrific misrule of the Democrats has been brought to a close," House Majority Leader Dennis Hastert (R-IL) told reporters. "Under Bush, we can all look forward to military aggression, deregulation of dangerous, greedy industries, and the defunding of vital domestic social-service programs upon which millions depend. Mercifully, we can now say goodbye to the awful nightmare that was Clinton's America."
"For years, I tirelessly preached the message that Clinton must be stopped," conservative talk-radio host Rush Limbaugh said. "And yet, in 1996, the American public failed to heed my urgent warnings, re-electing Clinton despite the fact that the nation was prosperous and at peace under his regime. But now, thank God, that's all done with. Once again, we will enjoy mounting debt, jingoism, nuclear paranoia, mass deficit, and a massive military build-up."...
"We as a people must stand united, banding together to tear this nation in two," Bush said. "Much work lies ahead of us: The gap between the rich and the poor may be wide, be there's much more widening left to do. We must squander our nation's hard-won budget surplus on tax breaks for the wealthiest 15 percent. And, on the foreign front, we must find an enemy and defeat it."
Jonah Goldberg is caught making shit up about President Bill Clinton (Monica Lewinsky scandal) in the short mashup above (1:34). In related news, the sun will once again come up tomorrow. Seriously, the only time Goldberg is not making shit up is when he is proving to a national audience how freaking little he knows about politics and government (see clip below, 0:47).
Which helps explain why he is a nationally syndicated conservative political columnist, editor at National Review Online and a regular on the cable news shows. What a country!
Matthew Dowd was the chief strategist of the George W. Bush 2004 presidential election campaign and is currently an ABC News political contributor. Jonah Goldberg is a nationally syndicated conservative columnist, founding editor of “National Review Online” and author ofLiberal Fascism. Neither of them know who is the current Director of National Intelligence.
Karl Rove is the ultimate partisan operative who guided a career underachiever with a checkered past to the White House. He is credited with keeping the 2000 election close enough, through dirty campaigning and still dirtier election engineering and fraud, to allow the Supreme Court to step in and gift wrap the presidency for his boss. Suffice to say no one uses dirty tricks more effectively or more often than Karl Rove. As such, many Americans who care about the Constitution, Democracy, the rule of law and plain decency, long ago concluded that Karl Rove sucks.
Rove loved the praise bestowed upon him from his friends and foes alike. But then everything came crashing down around him and now his “genius” moniker is in serious need of repair. In an astonishing turn of events, Republicans lost both the House and the Senate in 2006 despite Rove's repeated assurances to the contrary:
“I’m looking at all of these [races] and adding them up. I add up to a Republican Senate and Republican House. You may end up with a different math but you are entitled to your math and I’m entitled to the math” - Karl Rove (10/24/06)
Meanwhile, George W. Bush's approval ratings have been on a steady decline and now rest at 30%, 1% above their all time low.
It is hardly surprising that all of the GOP presidential candidates continue to distance themselves from Bush's body. Worse, Rove's permanent majority has been replaced by a public that favors the Democratic Party over the GOP by a whopping 50% to 35% margin. And independents favored Democrats in 2006 by an even larger 57% to 39% margin. It seems that the politics of hate, racism, division, war, war-mongering, propaganda, cheating, lying and stealing can only take a party so far.
But Rove will not go down without a fight. And thankfully propaganda rags like the ridiculous Newsweek magazine have given Rove a platform to win back his genius (In Newsweek's defense, it is not Time magazine). Despite the new gig, Rove proved to be every bit the partisan with his first column: “How to Beat Hillary (Next) November”:
“And so the question to John McCain from a woman at a town hall in South Carolina last Monday was tasteless, but key: ”How do we beat the [rhymes with witch]?“ Right now, Republicans are focusing much of their fire on Senator Clinton. Criticizing her unites the party, stirs up the unsettled feelings many swing voters have toward her and allows each candidate to say why he is best able to beat her.
For now, that's enough. But when a GOP nominee emerges, he needs to remember no Republican is as well known as Hillary. The Republican has room to grow in the polls as voters get a better sense of who he is and what animates him. Here's what he needs to do.”
The truth is that Karl Rove and the entire Republican Party are salivating at the opportunity to face off against Hillary Clinton and her “high negatives”. And why not, in a Zogby Poll released last week, Hillary now loses in the general election to all five GOP frontrunners while Barack Obama handily defeats the same five:
With this backdrop it seems clear as day that one should take Rove's latest piece in the Financial Times, “Memo to Obama: win Iowa or lose the race”, with many grains of salt:
“Not that you have asked for advice, but here it is anyway: Iowa is your chance to best her. If you do not do it there, odds are you never will anywhere.”
And Rove's stellar advice:
First, stop acting like a vitamin-deficient Adlai Stevenson. Striking a pose of being high-minded and too pure will not work. Americans want to see you scrapping and fighting for the job, not in a mean or ugly way but in a forceful and straightforward way.
Hillary may come over as calculating and shifty but she looks in control. You, on the other hand, often come over as weak and ineffectual. In some debates, you do not even look at her when disagreeing with her, making it look as if you are afraid of her. She offers you openings time and again but you do not take advantage of them. Sharpen your attacks and make them more precise.
Please! Could Rove give any worse advice than to turn the nice-guy, above the fray, uniter that is Obama into, well, Karl Rove? All can plainly see that Rove is rightfully scared of Obama whom he admits has “the buzz” and could very well win the nomination and upset Rove's plans to keep the White House in GOP hands. And as Frank Rich so ably points out, facing off against Obama would be a far more difficult task than defeating Hillary:
But much like the Clinton campaign itself, the Republicans have fallen into a trap by continuing to cling to the Hillary-is-inevitable trope. They have not allowed themselves to think the unthinkable — that they might need a Plan B to go up against a candidate who is not she. It’s far from clear that they would remotely know how to construct a Plan B to counter Mr. Obama. The repeated attempts to fan “rumors” that he is a madrassa-indoctrinated Muslim — whether on Fox News or in The Washington Post, where they resurfaced scurrilously on the front page on Thursday — are too demonstrably false to survive endless reruns even in the Swift-boating era.
Part of the Republicans’ difficulty in countering Mr. Obama, should they have to, is their own cynical racial politics. For the most part, race has been the dog that hasn’t barked in this campaign despite the (largely) white press’s endless fretting about whether the Illinois senator is too white for black voters and too black for white voters. Most Americans aren’t racist, most Republicans included. (Those who are won’t vote for the Democratic presidential candidate even if it’s not Mr. Obama.) But the G.O.P., by its own doing, is nonetheless saddled with a history that most recently includes “macaca” and Katrina, Mr. Bush’s appearance at Bob Jones University in 2000 and the nonexistent black population of its Congressional delegation.
As the Republican leadership knows, this record is an albatross, driving away not just black voters but crucial white swing voters, too. Ken Mehlman, the former G.O.P. chairman, and Mr. Rove, as recently as in that Newsweek column, have implored their party to reach out to minorities. So have Newt Gingrich and Jack Kemp. But not even conservative leaders of this stature could persuade their party’s top 2008 presidential contenders to show up for a September debate moderated by Tavis Smiley for PBS at the historically black Morgan State University.
So the polls emphatically prove that Hillary would be far easier prey for Republicans in the general election than Obama. And if statistics aren't your thing, commonsense clearly dictates the same. And finally, just about every political pundit from Karl Rove to Frank Rich have written as much. So what does Wolf Blitzer of the Clinton News Network wonder about Karl Rove's latest advice column?:
OMG! He is actually taking Rove's words at face value! LOL! Could Wolf really believe that Rove has forsaken his legacy as the greatest partisan political operative of the last 20 year in order to go legit and is now an uninterested, outsider, merely commenting on the political landscape? ROTFL! Yeah, that's the ticket, Rove couldn't possibly have ulterior motives.
The way I see it, there are two possible explanations for Wolf's comments: 1) he is an imbecile, or 2) he wants Hillary to get the nomination. Either way, he should be laughed out of his job. Of course, this is nothing new from Wolf or the Clinton News Network which showed its true colors at the last democratic debate in Nevada:
To be fair to Wolf and CNN, avid Clintonites like George Stephanopoulos, who formerly helped Bill Clinton get elected President and served as his communications director before moving on to become Chief Washington Correspondent for ABC News and host of his own Sunday morning show, also spew the same nonsense:
All of which makes Barack Obama's campaign for the presidency all the more remarkable. He continues to rise in the polls and threatens to win Hillary's “inevitable” nomination despite having to fight against Karl Rove, the entire Republican Party, the Clinton machine, CNN, Wolf, ABC, George and most of the mainstream media.
If the Illinois Senator can overcome those long odds he certainly has what it takes to lead the country.
Once upon a time, it was easy to be a GOP propagandist.
Bill O'Reilly Equates DailyKos with Nazis and KKK
Up until the mid-1990s, Republicans could spew out lies all day long and rarely had to worry about any watchdogs holding them accountable. Oh sure, there were a few obscure leftist print publications here and there, but they had tiny circulations and were often difficult to come by.
Back then, the GOP propagandists certainly didn't have to worry about the corporate mainstream media keeping them honest. Indeed, the likes of CNN, The Wall Street Journal, and even The New York Times were quite happy to carry the GOP's water.
Bill O'Reilly attacks DailyKos again
With the dawn of the Web, it began to dawn on the GOP propagandists that they were no longer able to spew out lies without being challenged.
Suddenly, anyone could set up a Web site for relatively little cost and effort and instantly have a potential worldwide audience.
GOP propagandists like Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly soon discovered, to their horror, that they could no longer peddle their daily lies and bullshit and have no one to challenge them.
The 104-acre $592 million US Embassy in Iraq will staff more than 1,000 people and cost $1.2 billion per year to operate.
Norman Solomon writes at AlterNet that no major presidential candidate for either party is seriously speaking about getting our military out of Iraq. Instead, we are witnessing a replay of the same lies designed to placate the populous about an eventual pullout, all the while a military buildup is in the works. Solomon writes:
Scratch the surface of current media scenarios for a U.S. pullout from Iraq, and you're left with little more than speculation -- fueled by giant dollops of political manipulation. In fact, strategic leaks and un-attributed claims about U.S. plans for withdrawal have emerged periodically to release some steam from domestic antiwar pressures.
This is the same playbook, according to Solomon, followed by the Bush administration before the 2004 election:
Nearly three years ago -- with discontent over the war threatening to undermine President Bush's prospects for a second term -- the White House ally Robert Novak floated a rosy scenario in his nationally syndicated column that appeared on Sept. 20, 2004. “Inside the Bush administration policy-making apparatus, there is strong feeling that U.S. troops must leave Iraq next year,” he wrote. “This determination is not predicated on success in implanting Iraqi democracy and internal stability. Rather, the officials are saying: Ready or not, here we go.”
The embassy will be 6 times larger than the United Nations compound in New York
The hype about leaving Iraq was b.s. then as it is now. What's of particular interest is what Solomon writes is the reason behind the half-hearted calls for withdrawal by Democratic candidates:
Those candidates know that powerful elites in this country just don't want to give up the leverage of an ongoing U.S. military presence in Iraq, with its enormous reserves of oil and geopolitical value. It's a good bet that American media and political powerhouses would fix the wagon of any presidential campaign that truly advocated an end to the U.S. war in -- and on -- Iraq.
The nearly completed US embassy monstrosity.
What this all means for Iraq and our troops in Iraq, in the run-up to the 2008 election, depends on where you sit:
The disconnect between public opinion and elite opinion has led to reverse perceptions of a crisis of democracy. As war continues, some are appalled at the absence of democracy while others are frightened by the potential of it. From the grassroots, the scarcity of democracy is transparent and outrageous. For elites, unleashed democracy could jeopardize the priorities of the military-industrial-media complex.
Unfortunately, the odds of winning the struggle for an Iraq pullout and winning back our democracy are equally bad. See the stolen elections of 2000, 2002, 2004 and 2006. Thus, instead of listening to the political rhetoric and media propaganda it is imperative to look at the facts, including:
1. JOINT CAMPAIGN PLAN: recently leaked classified plan which calls for a significant American role in Iraq until at least 2009.
2. KOREA MODEL: Bush has referred to the Korea Model on multiple occasions over the last couple of months. The US has a significant military force in Korea for more than a half century.
3. PERMANENT MILITARY BASES: Despite the recent House Bill banning permanent bases in Iraq, the US continues to build huge multi-billion dollar bases. First, the House Bill only bans new bases which should hardly be a problem since the permanent bases have long been under construction. Second, if need be, the military need only call the bases, some of which are the size of small towns, “enduring” bases.
6. THE OIL: We are not going anywhere until the oil issue is settled. In other words, not until the Iraq legislators we installed feel sufficiently bribed or threatened enough to hand over the vast oil resources of their country to Exxon.
7. THE BUSH LEGACY: Sure it is a joke. Everything the Bushies have touched over the last 6 1/2 years have gone the same way as Iraq. His so-called greatest achievement, No Child Left Behind, has been disastrous for education. Hurricane Katrina. Squandering the surplus and creating a ginormous deficit. Turning world opinion against Americans. Dividing the country. Torture. Corporate giveaways. Extraordinary rendition. Gitmo. Habeas Corpus. 9/11. Osama. The point being, that Bush will go down as the worst president ever even if we were to find some face saving way out of Iraq.
But, because everyone says his legacy depends on Iraq and he clearly believes the same, what incentive does he have to throw in the towel? There might be a few people in the world willing to sacrifice their own legacy for the greater good of humanity, but Bush ain't one of them. Hell, it took the mightiest of efforts to get W. to sacrifice a single day of vacation to conduct a fly-over of the gulf region days after Hurricane Katrina hit.
8. THE EMBASSY: Like the permanent bases, the new half billion dollar plus, gigantic, architectural disgrace of an embassy (seen in the three photos above) will cost more than a billion dollars a year to run.
Thus, the evidence overwhelmingly suggests that the White House plans are to continue full speed ahead in Iraq no matter what General Petraeus September progress report brings. And the lame attempts by the leading Democratic presidential candidates to put a stop to the Iraq war does suggest that, as Solomon writes, they fear what upsetting the media and elite power brokers would do to their candidacy and thus will continue to not rock the Iraq boat.
In other words, don't believe the hype heard throughout the mainstream media concerning a troop withdrawal or pullout. Because it's pure and simple propaganda.
UPDATE: Bhc has a must read post on how the Bushies are using the “liberal” media to manufacture the consent necessary for the long term presence of significant American troops in Iraq. While the entire read is a must, I particularly loved this paragraph:
Yes, this is a victorious day for the truth-seekers at Powerline and Captain's Quarters. Michele Malkin is moist. For not only has the truth about Iraq won out, it has done so by the fey hand of “liberals,” from the “liberal” Brookings Institute, and been doled out on the pages of the “liberal” New York Times, sure to be sopped up with gusto by those northeast, latte-slurping liberals. This is good, you see, because liberals run everything, which is why the US is fighting two failing wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, agitating and arming for a third with Iran, sending missile defenses to Europe to piss off the Russians in the hopes of ramping up a new cold war, sending arms to Saudi Arabia, backing the brutal actions of Ethiopian government troops in Ethiopia and Somolia, and arming rebels in Darfur. If liberals weren't in charge, why, imagine the bliss. But I digress.
UPDATE II: Pentagon Announces 20,000 more troops headed to Iraq
Nearly 20,000 U.S. troops based in the United States will begin departing for Iraq in December as part of the regular rotation of combat forces there, the Defense Department announced Tuesday. These Army and Marine Corps units are not related to the buildup of American troops announced by President Bush in January, Pentagon spokesman Bryan Whitman said.
Hannity & Colmes break new terroritory tonight by discussing exorcism with two Catholic priests in light of a botched exorcism of a three year old child in Phoenix. First, Father Jonathan Morris, who believes more in God when he sees the presence of evil in someone, assures viewers that what took place in Phoenix was not actually an exorcism. Father Edward Beck then explains that being possessed by the Devil or an evil spirit is possible and that the cure for such a malady is exorcism.
Signs to look for to determine if the Devil has taken possession of a person include: speaking in a foreign language that is not one's own language, speaking in tongues, having a certain power or knowledge that one should not have, and seeing into the future.
At one point, Sean Hannity turns to Father Morris, who has witnessed an exorcism, and states:
I don't want to minimize this, I was just kidding about Alan. But, this is really serious here. I mean Christ, if we believe the Bible and I do, um, he exorcised demons with regularity. I mean often. What did you see at the exorcism you were at?
Father Morris, a Fox News contributor, responds by telling a story that happened to him in Spain while promoting the movie The Passion of the Christ. Long story short, the chief exorcist in Spain didn't know what to think about the movie until he went to his most difficult exorcism case and mentioned the Mel Gibson flick. The Devil inside the tough case immediately went crazy which assured the chief exorcist that the movie was okay since the Devil hates all good things.
The one and only good thing about Robert Novak is that one can never tire of slamming, slapping, bitch slapping or smacking his tired and pathetic ass. Never.
So I happened upon the website of former Bill Clinton aide and current GOP hack, Dick Morris, and found it a bit disturbing. Hillary, it seems, has a stalker. Note that just about every recent blog post is about Hillary and the Clintons (in bold):
Iran Opening? Poll Shows Public Rejects Regime's Agenda
Hillary Vulnerable On Hedge Funds
Is Hillary Hedging on Hedge Funds?
Bush Will Have To Pull Out Of Iraq, Or Face Historical Obliteration
The Clinton Symbol
Do the Clintons Now Support Jail Time For Perjurers?
Obama's Clean Money vs. Hillary Dirty Money
While I realize Hillary has a Secret Service detail it would still be prudent to get a restraining order.
Great News!!!! After seven years of suffering from Bush Derangement Syndrome - being “somewhat unhinged” because I “passionately dislike[d] the president” - I just got a clean bill of health from Peggy Noonan. It turns out that there really was no such disease. While I'm extremely happy to be deemed normal again, I'm wondering if I have a medical malpractice case against Noonan and her murderously slow kin who only now have come to realize the disaster that is George Bush. Here's the beginning of Noonan's must read column (Nixon comparisons come later) column in the WSJ:
It's been a slow week in a hot era. I found myself Thursday watching President Bush's news conference and thinking about what it is about him, real or perceived, that makes people who used to smile at the mention of his name now grit their teeth. I mean what it is apart from the huge and obvious issues on which they might disagree with him.
I'm not referring to what used to be called Bush Derangement Syndrome. That phrase suggested that to passionately dislike the president was to be somewhat unhinged. No one thinks that anymore. I received an email before the news conference from as rock-ribbed a Republican as you can find, a Georgia woman (middle-aged, entrepreneurial) who'd previously supported him. She said she'd had it. “I don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth.” I was startled by her vehemence only because she is, as I said, rock-ribbed. Her email reminded me of another, one a friend received some months ago: “I took the W off my car today,” it said on the subject line. It sounded like a country western song, like a great lament.
As I watched the news conference, it occurred to me that one of the things that might leave people feeling somewhat disoriented is the president's seemingly effortless high spirits. He's in a good mood. There was the usual teasing, the partly aggressive, partly joshing humor, the certitude. He doesn't seem to be suffering, which is jarring. Presidents in great enterprises that are going badly suffer: Lincoln, LBJ with his head in his hands. Why doesn't Mr. Bush? Every major domestic initiative of his second term has been ill thought through and ended in failure. His Iraq leadership has failed. His standing is lower than any previous president's since polling began. He's in a good mood. Discuss.
In any case, I would like to thank all those that thought of me and prayed for me during this difficult time. I'd like to think they helped me get through this difficult illness. I know as a matter of fact that I could not have pulled through this without the large community of similarly misdiagnosed liberals, progressives and even independents. Thank you all.
Michael Rectenwald of Citizens For Legitimate Government appeared on Tucker Carlson's new show. Unfortunately, despite getting rid of the bow-tie, Tucker is the same old Republican toady and hypocrite as Rectenwald repeatedly points out. Tucker conveniently tries to take the moral high road now that he fears Republican politicos are in the cross-fire. Yet, when it's Democrats like Bill Clinton caught with their pants down, Tucker is at the front of the line screaming for the firing squad. Typical mainstream media corporate media rubbish.